maybe it's just a crush, it'll go away one day. Someday.

damn hungry now.. why didn't i join them for dinner?? stupid me thought go home have food. hais. anyway today was a very unplanned day, hang around lydia house then when bishan to buy some clothes. after that went home waited for bus since 9.40. i thought will reach home at 10.10... then in the end 10,40 make me super hungry.. 1hr trip home leh, if i join them n eat uh now atleast will be full :( :(

being cheeky with people i don't like. i know they're just toying. but maybe they could help me forget that someone i really love.

anyway i'll start with what happen today. 6year's of community club friend ( i was super super duper geeky i know) come find me in the morning to work out abit. after working out, rest/bathe then go walk walk after that met up with jorine & lydia at serangoon then go buy dinner & went to jorine house & eat/slack they not feeling well today.... i hope they're feeling better now. haha heartpain to see them suffer. they work 4 days in a row. must be tired... after dinner chit chat until 9+ & went home. didn't send lydia home cause she don't like. haha that's all.

today met ernest at 1.30 in bishan mrt. went to city hall eat and walk walk. after that met up with lydia and jorine at toapayoh mrt station to celebrate someone birthday. but that person was busy so took the cake that they bought all the way back to serangoon & we hang in lydia house. today i feel that i look very sad in front of them.. i hope not.. we ate the cake ourself... it was delicious.. took the pic's of the cake gonna upload on facebook soon...

it so deep inside that if i ever get together with someone else you should know it's to distract myself from loving you to divert my attention towards you but it's not what i wanted but i know it's the best. hopefully if one day there's someone... that someone would draw me away from you. keep me from stop looking back to you.

Why am i afraid to lose you when you're not even mine?...

22jan 2010
11am meeting up with jorine to buy berms for meee cause i always wear the same few. lol. it was rainy and i was late. felt so bad for being late. :( bought the berms at 44.90 :) @ spade. after that we go eat meeeeeeee at amk coffee shop.. 12.45 took bus 24 to lydia's/ben's block there to meet them :P after meeting up, we walk to take bus 58 to ikea tamp.. while we at busstop, waiting for bus.. suddenly ernest ran away then we spotted why. it's because muina & people ( wendy, leepeng, leepeng's friend & leepeng's friend cousin) lucky weilin isn't there. and the came when 58 arrived so we missed one bus.. when they were gone, ernest felt moody. well but when we reach ikea everyone was high again! YAY hahahahaha had lunch there, well not really only ben and ernest, after that we walk walk show room & buy some stuff. :) after ikea we head back home. Well ernest did, cause he needed to go. so it was me, ben, jorine & lydia.. go to jorine house to put her stuff and wait for her bathe & after that went to get the cake for marcus birthday & head to their house. their mom ordered kfc for our dinner. awesome :P marcus seems a lil sad cause his girlfriend got to go.. but all turn out ok bah after he eat jiu go room. we slack awhile and their daddy came back so we went to cut the cake for marcus :P i took photos for them. see in my facebook :P after caking we went to scrub the floor :O for entertainment, quite special. it was fun thou! after scrubbing everyone was tired and went to bed. that mark the end of the day.

23jan2010
8.50am lydia woke ben up to go for tuition i bathe at lydia house. HMM SUNSILK! :) after that go jorine house let her bathe, met ben there too. after that we took cab to bugis to meet lydia's mum to go shopping together. i think mood abit jumpy today also. but nothing will matter as long as it turn out all well :) after shopping we ate dinner with her mum chicken rice! i first to eat finish at last! after dinner we went back to lydia house and start doing the chores again! haha. until 9 ben had to go but we still continued doing until 9.28pm ben came back when we just finish everything.. hahah after that we go for supper. ben treat sia!
we eat tse char
1 black pepper crab
1 brocolli with scallop
1 oatmeal prawn
1 hotplate toufu
1 plate of rice for all of us.
it cost ben $56.50 i think. :O
nevermind ma since ben rich. haha after supper we went to talk talk awhile and went home yeah everything was fun! i took 101 photos! gonna upload on facebook! thats all. bye.

last night tried to sleep at 2am. but till 6 am i can't sleep.. so i woke up and lift some dumbell. after 30mins of weight lifting i went to the toilet to smell that my mum didn't flush and the smell is making me vomit. & so i went to buy grocery & make my own breakfast. i draw $20 from my bank for the grocery.
later on.. meaningless continue my weight lifting i started to message ernest and we decided to go watch avatar (3D) cool man the movie was so awesome. i wanna watch it again.
anyway.. anyone up for it's complicated, tooth fairy, the spy next door, legion & daybreakers?
haha during my movie, lydia message me if i want to join them for dinner. of course i said yes. who wouldn't? they're the coolest people on earth that i know. hahaha. but they say dinner was on my house. haha.
so we went to chomp chomp.
We Had:
Sting Ray
Samba kang kong
Hokkien Mee
Oreh luah
3 bowl of rice.
1 logan drink & 1 sugar cane drink.
it was an average meal. but i don't get the price. all that for 28.50 like too little uhh.
haha but it was awesome! i can't wait for the next dinner trip. i don't mind if it was on my house again :) it's the fun & fellowship that counts.

after dinner we decided to slack so we went to lydia's/benjamin's void deck there to slack and talk. all was fun :) saw lydia baby pphotos it was awesome!! haha. i want some..

that's all for now. ><

I feel so bad.
I want to lose hope...
I don't want to keep harbouring the thought of having the slightest chance with someone i like..
I know i'll only get myself hurt... But i can't stop myself from thinking...
What am i thinking.. For what purpose is this for. I just want to be friends forever..
But still when i see her with other guys i want to be the same..
I'm already old. Should i think so much anymore?

I know i like you.
But i wouldn't want to start a relationship with you. (i wouldn't have anychance anyway.)
Not because that i always think that loving someone that's beautiful will only get yourself hurt.
It's because i don't want to ever lose you as friends.
I have stopped looking back at you're window eversince yesterday.
I will not forget you, but.. i'll love all of you as my Friends.
Friends that i will never want to lose.!

Quote From Jorine:
<-----
Dear friend,On one particular night while I was reflecting about my life.. I also started thinking and reflecting upon our friendship.. I realized that I have been creating lots of trouble and problem to you. And it’s all because of me.If not because of me, you will be happily with your clique..If not because of me, we would be counting how many people woo you.If not because of me, you would not know Friend A and Friend B. If Friend A and Friend B don’t get to know you, they wun like you. If they don’t like you, there will not be so much trouble.If you don’t know Friend A and Friend B, Friend C wun be like that..If all this doesn’t happen, you wun feel so piss off and fuck up.When you are so piss off and fuck up by the things around, I saw the slight smile on your face while talking to Friend D on the phone. He told me something and I know that he’s just joking.. But at this point of time, thinking back what he said.. I got the urge to do so. Not because of his stupid reason but the reason that I have for myself that why should I leave you.In the first place, we shouldn’t be so close.. If we weren’t close, all this wun happen. And most importantly, I still can stand at the side looking at your smile. Feeling so heart warming in my heart, because I believe if you love someone, as long as they are happy, you will be happy..Love, Jorine lee
---->
I can't help it but knowing its our fault. The 3 of us. BEAT we're the one that really cause the troubles.. jorine if u ever get to read this.. i'm sorry for making you feel sad. Both of you You're smile, so wonderful. so don't stop smiling.. as for friend A & B i bet they are just mutual attraction. i believe friend A just only like everyone for who they are as friends. Friends for life is always better then couple for years. as it's normally impossible for couple to become true friends again..

Alvin Tan Here!
Male 18 Single
Parry->Peicai->ITE Simei
私は愛する。誰か?
사랑해요.
Σ' αγαπώ.
Ik houd van u.
Je t'aime.
Ti amo.
Я тебя люблю.
Nothing Much About Me to say.
Visit My Facebook
Follow Me on Twitter